Last year, my friend and podcast partner Anthony “Biggie” Bencomo and I went to a chicken tender bender.
This was an interesting exploration as I was practically a virgin when it came to fast food. Before this effort began, I had never even set foot in Huey Magoos, the chain that was ultimately crowned a champion. I had never even been to 6 of my other 10 competitors. And hasn’t been back since.
I don’t eat chicken tenders.
But I will eat &$%!! From the rotisserie chicken.
Especially over the past few months, I’ve set myself a goal to slim down and have been forever on the hunt for protein.
I have lost just over 10 pounds so far. This is a successful outcome of grabbing these easy grabs wherever you are at the moment. I love roasting chicken at home, but truth be told, given the cost of the chicken and the time it takes to cook, I prefer tearing off the legs in the car and scarfing it down in the parking lot. I have a place to live.
Chicken tender vendor: Popular fast food ranking
In this spirit, Bencomo and I decided to revisit our rankings, this time with healthier rotisserie dishes. Biggie’s wife, Kristen, herself a busy working mother, also attended the party. Like me, their family regularly eats takeout rotisserie.
What are the standards? Birds were ranked for juiciness, flavor, and skin quality on a scale of 1 to 5. Price and weight were also noted as considerations related to value. All seven chickens were captured within minutes of each other. We all grabbed as much as we could in time and tasted it as soon as we brought it to the lab.
The lab is Biggie’s kitchen.
While most of this ragtag bunch was visually very appealing, the scores were dramatically lower than any of us expected. Apparently we’re a picky bunch.
7. BJ’s Wholesale Club: $4.99, 2.11 pounds
In hindsight, I feel like Biggie hit this place on a bad day, mostly due to the fact that I picked up a 4-pack of absolutely amazing rotisserie leg quarters from another BJ’s in another part of Florida this past weekend. But numbers are numbers. Even though we allowed plenty of time for each chicken to sit in its own bag or container until we got home, all three of us gave it a zero for both texture and flavor of the skin.
“It looks pretty, but it has no taste,” Kristen Bencomo said.
We all agreed that the chicken received an overall score of 0.5 in this category, and we tasted light and dark meat on each.
Both bencomos were more generous when it came to moisture index, giving the bird a 2. I gave it a 1.5.
Maybe it’s just a matter of which BJ you visit and who controls the machines at this popular, large club.
6. Pollo Tropical: $12.99, £1.11
The moment I heard that jingle, which had been imprinted in my mind and stuck in my head since I lived in Miami, I realized how foolish it was to adopt this brand.
“Polo Tropical…Grilled Chicken…!”
Theirs is not a rotisserie bird, but one that is marinated and grilled over an open flame. But it was there so we decided to rank it anyway in hopes that the kiss of fire would give it a better flavor (if it did, we didn’t notice). Instead, we banished the bird’s moisture to another world. It was the driest we’ve ever been here.
In terms of value, there are also better deals here than a solo chicken cut up and packaged in a Styrofoam to-go box. The overall ratings weren’t that much better than BJ’s, just different, but none were above a 2.
5. La Granja: $15, 2.5 pounds
Peruvian pollo a la brasa is a specialty of La Granja’s restaurant. At this restaurant, the whole chicken consisted of four parts: the breast and the wings, but it still provided us with enough samples of dark meat to judge. Bencomos often wins La Granja, but admitted that his solo performance on this day was lackluster.
“This and Pollo Tropical usually seem better,” he opined. “I eat it with rice, beans, and plantains. It might be delicious because it’s marinated in something like orange juice.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t have any carb-heavy competition, so it was 1s and 2s all day. In the case of juiciness, wipe out the former. Overall it was better than last time, but in terms of moisture it was the lowest.
Woof woof woof.
4. Walmart Neighborhood Market: $5, 3.2 lbs.
The only thing in the case was Lemon Pepper Chicken, so I picked it up, realizing it was heavy for the price. Surprisingly, the skin scored low considering the expected seasoning. But when it comes to juiciness, Wal-Mart’s value-oriented Bird was the winner. Especially for my purposes, skins sadly end up in the trash more often than not. Also, there are no membership fees required.
At the bottom of the bag, there was a lively lemon pepper at the base of the chicken.
I would pay about $4 for a chicken oyster skewer like this at a bar. You can buy a whole 3 pound bird for $5 at Walmart. You also don’t have to wait in line to get into Mills 50 Alley.
3. Sam’s Club: $4.98, 3.1 pounds
For Bencomo, convenience is paramount when it comes to Sam’s Club.
“We delivered it,” he told me. “When I need a meal, it’s the easiest. I can’t stop myself from eating rotisserie chicken at Sam’s, even if I think another chicken tastes better.”
The flavor of this chicken was so robust that it swept the three of us away, and it ranked above any previous chicken. They were 6 points ahead of last place BJ. The price and weight are just right. The dome-shaped box looked beautiful.
2. Publix: $7.99, 1.15 pounds
It was certainly the surprise of the day that this scrawny little bird came in second place with a hefty sticker price.
“I had the best breasts of all!” said Kristen.
We all agreed. The juiciness of the whole thing was really impressive, which no one expected.
The limited edition Mardi Gras flavor may have been okay with its herbal punch, but it was the only one they had when I stopped by. And even in an insulated bag, the skin held up best of all, beating out our #1 pick.
I buy Publix chicken often (oh my goodness, it’s convenient) and I’ve never been disappointed in the taste, only the size for the price.
I took a scale with me to weigh each bird, but only the Polo Tropical specimen came out lighter (and more expensive).
Now that you have all this new knowledge, you won’t be so grumpy in the future.
1. Costco: $4.99, 4.1 lbs.
It’s monster chicken. Monster value. Kirkland is the king.
But it’s worth noting that it only beat Publix by one point when the numbers were tallied. However, size definitely matters.
It’s a healthy choice for Bencomos, who also uses rotisserie chicken in quesadillas, stir-fries, and other dishes.
On the flip side, I eat whole chicken 90% of the time (the dried breast may turn into chicken salad, but that’s about it). If I had a choice, I would go to Costco every time.
For me, Remover of the Skin, limited edition spices and sauces are not the issue. I want meat.
“If I was in a pinch, I’d buy any of them,” Kristen finished. “I don’t think you can go wrong with any choice.”
Her husband agreed. So was I.
“I’ll buy any of them. They’re really reliable. I have bags of frozen rotisserie chicken in the fridge. I can grab it when I need it and throw it with rice or vegetables or use it in a salad. It’s a blank slate and I can do whatever I want with it.”
Rotisserie may not be considered “fast” food, but it’s definitely fast. It’s one of the places where my aspirations align with the masses.
Please give me a bird.
Find me on Facebook, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram @amydroo or the OSFoodie Instagram account @orlando.foodie. Email: amthompson@orlandosentinel.com, and for more foodie fun, join our Let’s Eat, Orlando Facebook group.
Attractive local options
You know you can’t resist having at least two indie chicken options. Because when any of us are in these areas and have time, we want to support local chicken more than anything.
Athena Roast Chicken: A family-run staple in Maitland. The food is Greek and the chicken is amazing! It’s not Greek, but I like the rhyme. Details: 487 S. Orlando Ave. in Maitland, 407-539-0669; athenachicken.com
Crocante on Wheels: Look for a rotating version of IMO the best Puerto Rican restaurant in the city. You can find it at the Winter Park Farmers Market every Saturday from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. In addition to rotisserie chicken, there are also sides like porchetta, pork belly, and picanha. Details: 150 New York Avenue, Winter Park. (Note: Renovation will take place in June. It will be completed in July.)
Peruvian Chicken & Grill: This is a family-run spot serving pollo a la brasa and other dishes from this flavorful South American country. Grab it in Oviedo! Details: 5420 Deep Lake Road in Oviedo, 321-203-4870; peruchickenandgrill.com
