During my free time, I have exclusively viewed medical programs and appointed doctors. No, this is an explosion, I swear.
Have you ever seen “Pit”? The best thing on TV right now. “Die for sex”? Heartfelt and cheerful. Are you also troubled by the cursed rewatch of Season 6 of “The Anatomy of Gray”? Sorry, and we’ll get through this together.
These shows are packed with commercials of name branded drugs, as American healthcare is essentially liquidated jcpenney. I will need Noah Weil to fix the running list of mobile phone ads, along with the corresponding illness.
Vabysmo: The actor walks (gross) (gross) to break up huge eyes and overcome wet AMD. What is Wet AMD in George Clooney? My note says it is “a serious eye condition characterized by abnormal vascular growth.” Wet AMD lobby is sure I have this.
Botox: If I get it because of a chronic migraine, can I also erase 11 of them between my eyes?
Rinvoq: Once you overcome moderate to severe rheumatism and psoriatic arthritis, you’re back on your jet ski!
These commercials were dramatized with my favourable midlife crisis, my belljar, my slow descent, with funny warnings about nausea and vomiting.
When it was time to pass the New Year’s resolution in January, I decided that I would bring my health together. I don’t mean this in the bikini body type way. Certainly, life had time to do that. If I had to guess, we were all hot during the 2008 recession all last.
In 2025, health means living from within. Use the underlying blessings of insurance to drain all your blood for scheduling and testing your pork and products. It involves mammograms, colonoscopy, mole checking, teeth and gums, eyes, ears and aorta. Should my toes be this colour? How long does the spine crack?
Ebglyss: These are the same names as the fashion brands on Amazon.com.
Jardiance: The most disastrous commercial of all. It stars an animated turtle cast that makes deep eye contact and speaks in a seductive voice. For example, why is the turtle telling me about chronic kidney disease in Barry White’s style? Why did their shells tear so much? What are these feelings?
Part of this new hobby has to do with being in my 40s, and part of this has to do with politics. So if I was put into the hinterland to tease Donald Trump in a column about sexy turtles, I would need my health.
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Forget Honda’s customs duties. We need to tote heavy knapsacks on our ruined terrain. If the healthcare system sinks into privatized freedom starring many provocative cartoon creatures, if more health research is cancelled, more public data is erased from government websites, cholesterol can be managed in the cave. If only raw milk remains on the barren shelf, I need to prepare my gut biome. I’d like to know that a flies on a rock with a 20 pound chest and leaves stuck together with untouched molars, with an antinuclear antibody titer of 1:320, but a rheumatologist in Dell past the river is looking into it. We all want to be very strong. I want us to make it. I want us to last longer.
Skyrizi: Be everything with clear skin!
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