Women, it’s time to take the country back to men

You may have heard that a new president will be sworn in on Monday.

Reportedly, Donald Trump will have the billionaire founding father of our inspiring oligarchy on his side. This includes Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg, who rebranded himself by cutting baby bangs and wearing a chain last seen on a Zales truck. As part of this macho makeover, which included a refusal to fact-check and a green light for hate speech, the meta overlords declared that corporate America should return to a more “masculine” energy.

“I think a lot of the corporate world is pretty emasculated culturally,” Zach told fellow prominent white man Joe Rogan. “Masculine energy is a good thing, and obviously there’s a lot of it in society, but I think corporate culture has really tried to run away from that. Having a culture that celebrates aggression a little bit more has its own great I think there are positive benefits.”

As you said. Men have been ignored for too long. As the nation writes this next chapter, it is important that we refocus our attention on them. After all, we’ve been allowed to have credit cards in our own names since 1974. And 10% of Fortune 500 companies are run by women. What on earth are we complaining about?

This will be an important era for women. I don’t know if women are suitable for combat (lol). President Trump’s Cabinet nominees include more women than the previous administration, which is real progress. He chose Tampa Bay native Pam Bondi to play the attorney general, and his first choice, a Florida man, starred in the 1986 college film Burger Flaps.

Girly pops! This is the last weekend that will be the best weekend for all of us *^%$#, okay?

Come Monday, we should defer to men in the workplace and let their aggressive energy rule the cubicles of this country. Please, don’t embarrass executives by demanding their presence. For too long, women have been paid and promoted the same as men, without making casual comments about the zipper on the back of your dress, or daring to drop the phrase “I’m just checking in!” There wasn’t any. And from the “Don’t worry!” email.

Take time to look in the mirror. Practice giggling when Bob says, “Don’t get your pants in a twist.” Remove all thoughts from your head and, yes, you should feel like dying, you’re doing it right – and widen your masseter muscles. This creates the appearance of a smile. Your boss will thank you. Because your boss wrote in your review that you sometimes “scowl” during meetings.

What about Gary, who repeats your ideas as if he thought of them himself? Is he getting paid more for no apparent reason? Well, there’s no need to stress that in 2025 that’s not the case . Who knows, as equity programs and unions decline to ensure everyone has a chance to thrive. Think of the freedom you get by slipping into a Lisa Frank unicorn poster. Ride Rainbow Star down Glitter Mountain and just relax and eat baby cake. Men control it.

You know, a female executive at Facebook, well, Facebook, wrote a book that encouraged women to put themselves in the workforce. It was in 2013 that the pilgrims landed.

My dear friend, please tear up those pages and arrange them in your flower bed. We restore balance between the sexes, we flirt against our will, we add flavor to our ethics reports, and we keep our bunions sharp in stilettos. We are neutering men so that we can build spaceships without the cooperation of men who may have gone insane due to menstruation. Then we get on a spaceship and get out of here.

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