Abby Badach Doyle, Nerdwallet
When you are saving for your first home, it is natural to want a helping hand. It may feel like everyone else is getting a check from mom and dad. But if you don’t have a financial head start, where should you start?
Good news: Homeownership isn’t just for the lucky ones who are blowing the wind. In fact, most first-time home buyers don’t wait for it. According to the National Association of Realtors, only one in four first-time buyers used gifts or loans from family and friends to fund their down payments.
If you don’t have the money for gifts to help you buy a home, you are not alone. Here’s your guide to getting it done:
Stop the mental doom loop
From high prices to mortgage rates, there are many things that feel unfair in today’s housing market. Rahkim Sabree, a certified financial therapist and financial counselor, can raise feelings of guilt and shame by scrolling through social feeds filled with success stories.
“Too often, especially on social media, we start crying at the possibilities of what we can do, and that’s when we start comparing our journey to others,” he says.
Solution: Focus on your own values and priorities. After all, social media only shows someone’s highlight reels.
“I don’t know what they accessed, what kind of debt they had to go into, or, unfortunately, what longevity will look like when they buy,” Sabree says.
It may sound simple, but attitudes about doing things can be a big movement. Once you’ve reached the right headspace, try out an online calculator to see how much room you can afford. A realistic budget allows you to move from planning to action.
Gather your squad
You don’t need a big check from your parents – but you need a team of home-being professionals to have your back.
If the entire process appears to be overwhelming, start with a housing counselor certified by the U.S. Agency for Housing and Urban Development (HUD). Anyone can benefit from their advice, especially buyers with a history of credit challenges and bankruptcy. HUD certified counselors are available free of charge or at a low cost.
Next, find an experienced buyer agent who knows the local market. A good agent can quickly and hustle to accept your offer.
Next, find a mortgage matchmaker. Make sure at least three lenders have been approved in advance and have earned minimum interest rates.
Another option: Enjoy a mortgage broker shop. Brokers charge you, but you have access to wholesale pricing and often negotiate a lower rate than you find yourself.
I’ll boost your budget
That’s no secret. There is free money to get for first-time home buyers. If you don’t consider a down payment or closure fee assistance program, you can leave thousands of dollars on the table.
First, look at the state housing agencies, local governments and nonprofits. Other sources include employers, labor unions, or mortgage lenders. Most money is reserved for first-time buyers with income below the median region, but some programs welcome repeat buyers or higher earners.
Arica Rucker, owner of Century 21 Rucker Real Estate Broker in Charlotte, North Carolina, says most of her buyers don’t have family gifts.
“They’re unbelievable,” she says. “But we run into the reality that they aren’t really saving money due to out-of-pocket expenses.”
Lesson: Even if you have a down payment support, you will need cash on hand after signing a contract. Save money for advance expenses like your serious money deposit, home inspection, or travel expenses.
Let’s be creative
To get a trade, consider less common options such as short sales or foreclosures. If you are responsible for being a landlord, you can look into “house hacking” investment properties like live-in duplexes. These are all more complicated transactions, but experienced agents and lenders can guide you through it.
Some creative financing options are at greater risk than others. Your Home Buying Force will also help you understand the pros and cons of borrowing from the retirement fund that you saved, like the 401(k).
“Ideally, I wouldn’t touch that money,” Sably said. “But in situations where individuals don’t have access to gift money and need to be creative about how to make an acquisition, that’s certainly something they can do.”
Stay in the center
Focus on your own journey, not someone else’s journey. Gift money is helpful, but it does not guarantee an easier path. Inherited property can have a massive weight of sadness. Gifts from living relatives can come with unique challenges, such as blurry boundaries and anxious sensations that you “borrow” from the giver.
Instead, take charge of what you have control over: be sloppy to reach your savings goals.
“Make a plan, write it down and be specific,” Rucker says.
Sabri, who specializes in overcoming financial trauma, says it’s normal to shut down when overwhelmed. In a state of despair, you may be convinced that it is stupid to want to buy a house.
Instead, when emotions run high, try to show compassion for yourself and stay focused on your goals.
“Make sure you’re grounded right now, right?” he says. “Make sure you can feel the floor under your feet.”
Don’t stick to the gifts you didn’t get. You haven’t missed it – you’re just beginning.
Abby Badach Doyle writes about Nerdwallet. Email: abadachdoyle@nerdwallet.com.
Do you have no money for gifts in the article? No problem: How to afford a home for yourself originally appeared in Nerdwallet.
Original issue: April 3, 2025, 2:28pm EDT
