Build Trump’s Presidential Library in Tampa Bay! This is the reason|Column

Middleson’s Eric Trump is currently raising money to build his father’s presidential library. It’s still not yet decided, but it’s probably a place in Florida.

This is my pitch to Eric to find it in Tampa Bay. Maybe not the first place you will consider. Certainly, the area is famous for its Florida pockets of resistance. It varies from liberal and medium enclave to the public. But listen to me. It was proposed to me (and sharply) by my son to give him proper credit.

As far as geography is concerned, we have the right place. We are the middle between Key West conch and Panhandle patriots. We are above the water, but are the right body of water. It’s not the old-fashioned European Atlantic Ocean, like Palm Beach and Miami, but it proudly anchors the bay of the Bay. The first thing to do is to abandon the term Trump Presidential Library. disaster. Too booky. The word we are looking for is the world of Trump. It’s much more appropriate anyway, who reads it? A glittering multiland theme park is a must to cover Donald Trump’s achievements. It spreads to three cities, one for each election. (Remember, it was stolen.) And that was around the time Orlando’s entertainment park had some real competition. Tampa in particular has the right terrain and expansion space. Ybor, The Gasworx, Water Street. These banned eras, the ram running tunnels underneath them all, if the legend is true, running to Port Tampa is perfect for a quick vacation through an underground golf cart! And speaking of transportation, there are enough airports for all three of his retired Air Force. Air Force 1 at Tampa International Airport. St. Pete/Clearwater’s Air Force One II (backup). Of course, there’s Qatar’s gorgeous Air Force in nearby Sarasota/Bradenton. Tampa Bay has widely renamed prospects in various sections of the park, polling by residents, possibly from approved ZIP codes. Or crypto investors.

– Tampa = Trumpland: Easy, relevance.

– St. Petersburg could probably stay that way, paying tribute to Trump’s repeated Russian BFF, Vladimir Putin. Big plus: There’s no need to change the name of Don Cesar.

– As for Clearwater, wait until Trump chases Scientology’s tax-free status. Naming rights are a natural sweetener in any transaction. L. Long Hubbard Island? On a special cruise?

There are many attractions. Zootrump. Trump Berry Festival. Bush Garden – A new name is required. It reminds me of past presidents. The ride can remain as renamed the tariff fear.

6. Near Crystal Springs, Don Jr. and Eric’s excellent adventure land, in their own elephant hunting spirit, go to the manatee on the stems with a rubber hapoon.

7. Of course, Gasparilla will be renamed Trumperilla. Instead of plastic beads, memokine! Trump will replace the mayor and personally receive a pirate ship in front of the Trump Convention Center. Inside the cannon puff, the pirates (transported hoosis) throw the treasures and gems of real donors directly into the dock. The booty is carried by a cybertruck caravan when operational.

8. Crossing the bay and across the Kellyanne Causeway, the strange art of the Dali Museum is sold and replaced by a Trump portrait. It was renamed Donni Museum and is now golden.

Finally, why are we keen to host the Trump Library, aka Trump world, with a significant portion of the Democrats in the region? Well, we know that FEMA funding has been cut, and that the weather forecast staffing has become doge’s. Imagine Tampa Bay after the next hurricane. Do you think Sharpie scribbles won’t excavate the Trump world faster than anywhere else in Florida? It is our ultimate insurance and valuable.

Fellow Tanpan/Future Trump World Cast Member: There will be three years to make this happen. Let our area be the sleazy place on the planet, and everything gets rich!

Guest columnist Barry Golson covers the Tampa Bay senior scene. His writings have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, Playboy, Forbes and Earp. He is the author of “The Gringos of Paradise” (Scribner). Please contact him atgarrygolson@gmail.com.