shh. I know you’re upset, but don’t be loud, booboo. I’m trying to cut a million times this year from protected trees. Kiss, but you know I love you.
I’m a Florida environmental scandal and my whole, the atmosphere is mean. My signature move is lurking deep within government papers. “I can’t see anything here,” he says, waiting for a green light to pound the sweet prefab mansion, like Batman. I’m probably Batman!
Ah, are you very angry? Cold, baby. Come here, where is my embrace?
What does it mean that everyone hates me? Hey, sorry, but my fuss and grinding is going to be so hard. If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I’m going to make every effort in the way Jake Paul laid out Mike Tyson. If there is an acre of untouched wildlife sanctuary in this condition, I’m trying to bulldoze it no matter how many losers appear with sparkling signs.
Oops, what now? Before you drink cyber truck, did you say I’m confident with smoked old-fashioned smoked pounding quarter ZIP fleece? Dan, strict, but that’s your opinion. My opinion is that I am a destroyer. I get things done.
Ah, well, no. Technically, I haven’t done anything yet. In fact, my scheme continues to fall incredibly subtle. But that doesn’t stop me from trying to wash away the spoonville and the Pugh Pugh Black Bear.
For example, after my noble attempt to take over Florida’s state parks and turn them into 2-on-1 Wody Red Bull and lush golf courses, people all said, “I want mud water and a crunchy stick,” honestly, I was amazed at how many Republicans are in the turtle.
Anything, you do it. But like a fast and ferocious franchise, I have to drag you out of here with the cuffs before I stop doing boss moves to pave your precious plants.
Have you seen my latest great? Double Land Swap Scandal! Certainly, my contract to trade a portion of Withlacoochee State Forest with golf course developers passed away last week after more virgins were like, “I’m sad, I want a tree.”
But my trainer says that the name is, uh… Don Delantis… pain is a weakness that leaves the body. So, just like adding a rep to a juicy drop set chest press set, I bouncing back with another secret plan. 600 acres of the Guana River Wildlife Management Area in St. John’s County were replaced with private property owners. Who is that? Yes, that’s my buddy wearing a gag mustache.
Yes, the plot fell apart two nights of votes. Even the president’s chief of staff opposed the contract. That’s a shame because I thought Donald Trump was my partner. Once again, I never thought Republicans cared so much about lizards.
The band nerds with the autograph are beating me. While Lesser Kings considers it “incredible” as a reduction, I praise the notion that it does not praise ethical boundaries. So I’ll wait for this tattoo of my words, unbelei… never mind.
So, um, what do you do for work? With that in mind, developers text me. I got the words of the colony of Scrub Jays, who saw us sideways. I’m thinking of a hot tub warehouse. Smooch, you’re a real person. Will it be the same time and place next week?
Spend your days with Hayes
Subscribe to our free Stephenly newsletter
Columnist Stephanie Hayes shares thoughts, feelings and interesting business with you every Monday.
You’re all signed up!
Want more free weekly newsletters in your inbox? Let’s get started.
Check out all options
Get Stephanie’s newsletter
For weekly bonus content and Stephanie Hayes’ internal columns, sign up for our free Stepheniate Newsletter.