His wife, Karen, has the bladder of a 75-year-old woman who gave birth to three children. In other words, her bladder is much stronger than mine. But as my mother said, in her ’80s, “Kid, if you have to go, you’ll have to go.” This comes from a woman who had a map on the head of every public toilet in midtown Manhattan.
Recently there has been a lot of political talk about who can use this bathroom.
So imagine my wife and me on the break of the grumpy musical “Rock of Ages” at the Tampa theatre matinee. Celebrate music from the 80s and 90s with the hits of BonJovi, Whitesnake and even Foghat. The first act was fun, featuring her youngest daughter, Lauren, who received a degree in performing arts from nearby University of Tampa.
We sat in a theatre sardine can attached to two small toilets. The first act was 75 minutes so when the lights got up we were ready to get up and go if we knew what I meant. I was in and out quickly, but when I came to the meeting place, Karen looked desperate. The women’s lines were endless with serpentine.
Karen: “You can wait until the play is over,” her eyes told another story.
Roy: “No, I’ll take you to the man’s room.”
Karen: “Is there a man there?”
Roy: “Do what I say to you. Are you wearing this hat here?”
It’s a baseball cap and she has short hair. Bystander nodded in gratitude: “Good moves.” I peered in. Yes, an empty food stall. I grabbed her hand and pulled her out. She could have been able to take care of the business virtually unnoticed, but she chose a different method.
Karen: “Don’t worry about everyone, I’m not watching!” She was loud enough for all the patrons to hear, blurred. “I’ve closed my eyes!!”
I took her to the food stall and closed the door. Hmm, I thought, I was almost there. But no. She didn’t stay quiet. “I’m almost done!” she declared.
Roy (irritated): “Stop talking!”
The man with an accented voice, perhaps an Indian, probably looked at me and said, “It’s so bad that women have to wait so long.”
Later outside the theater he saw my wife hugging our daughter. As a witness to my mission, he caught my eye and smiled recognised. Two men who believe in toilet parity for women and us all.
